Review of I Have Autism and I Like to Play Good Bad Tennis — Vignettes and Insights from My Son’s Life: Making of a gentleman

book on autism: vignettes and insights from a boy’s life

At a cursory level, I Have Autism and I Like to Play Good Bad Tennis reads like the journal of a father, Debashis Paul, reminiscing about his journey with his son, Noel, who was diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum at an early age. But its layered narrative shows that the book is much more than just that — it is a celebration of life itself, a reiteration of familial bonds, a humble request for inclusivity, an attempt to alter the general view of autism, and most importantly, a handy guide to parents of neurodiverse as well as neurotypical children.

If there is one thing that stands out in the detailed narrative, it is that as a father, Paul has been highly sensitive to the needs of his neurodivergent son — a quality that perhaps most parents should imbibe. Based on his observations of Noel over the years, Paul outlines various learnings, offering ample examples from his son’s life. Each chapter in the book reflects his belief that Noel’s story can change the way people view neurodivergent individuals. Paul has multiple objectives in writing this book, two of which are to help people with parenting ideas and to show everyone that, with sensible and compassionate mentoring, a child on the autism spectrum can blossom beautifully.

To aid this purpose, the end of the book contains two important inclusions: information about the characteristics of autism and a Japanese educational method for autistic individuals called Daily Life Therapy®. Apart from these, Paul offers some key tips to parents, such as accepting the reality of a situation and learning to be patient, closely studying the structures that govern the behaviours of neurodiverse children and recalibrating one’s expectations from them, tackling disappointment and never giving up, and always looking for innovative teaching opportunities.

In the Introduction, the author makes a poignant observation: he speaks of how, often, people tend to view a neurodivergent child as “ashubh” or “inauspicious”. Understanding that parents of neurodivergent children probably feel conscious in public places or “feel the need to hide the child”, Paul intentionally mentions across the book that Noel got exposure to various places and experiences. From a car showroom and a movie hall to a political rally, Noel was taken everywhere. Each of these outings taught both Noel and Paul (as well as the family) something new.

Paul writes about Noel’s schooling years, but he stresses on how it was Noel’s love for music and lyrics, confusion over homophonic words, and a wide range of sports that played important roles in his son’s personal, social, and emotional growth. He especially wants parents and teachers to see the world through Noel’s eyes — a world where enjoying a sport has more value than competing or winning, where lyrics express a reaction or state of mind, where singing in the middle of a game of tennis or playing bad tennis are not atypical. The book’s title is an ode to this free spirit of Noel, to the fact that he was completely comfortable being himself.

It is no easy task to make children on the autism spectrum aware of their self-identity or comprehend concepts such as politeness, social manners, and publicly accepted behaviours. Paul delineates his family’s attempts at inculcating mindfulness of these aspects in Noel, by repetitively asking him to behave like “a gentleman”. He also ensures that the narrative focuses on all that Noel managed to do and could do well, and not just on the times and the ways in which his condition held him back. What the disorder had no hold over, thankfully, was Noel’s immense ability to care and give love.

Throughout the book, Paul constantly draws parallels between Noel’s charming persona and his autistic traits, making it apparent that despite his condition, Noel was like any other child. Anecdotes dwell upon how Noel, a self-aware individual, not only accepted and understood his limitations, but also made efforts to overcome them. Noel’s wit sparkles through some situations and makes the reader smile, while his straightforward yet profound responses make one ponder the norms and the ways of the world.