You must read this

The ‘muster’ has answers for every problem — from weight gain to losing hair

You must read this. Let the dal burn. (You want to eat at a time like this?) Let half your face stay unshaven. (No one really notices you anyway). Pause the murderer on TV, knife in air. Don’t even draw another breath unless you pay me full attention.

The must-must is advice-giving at its most menacing. Musters are a belligerent species whose threat hangs over you: you must read this forward, or else you will go bankrupt/bald/bananas. Don’t pretend you haven’t ‘musted’. It’s addictive. I even embellish it further. ‘You must see this. You’ll love it.’ Ah, deliciously arm-twisting because who could turn down a gift of love? Instead, the recipient will feel ungrateful if she doesn’t love it madly and will immediately forward it with new additions: ‘You must see this. You’ll love it. It will change your life.’

In the aftermath of festival feasting, some innocent sent a joke about weight gain on a group chat. Aggressive advice pummelled her instantly. ‘You must have thyroid problems.’ And ‘You must stop eating orange foods!’ And ‘You must go to my fitness trainer. Now!!!’ A week later, the musts are still pelting her. She has nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.