God is great. So is the other God. Also, the other one

The current war in the Middle East isn't being fought for oil or money or power. All the parties involved, Iran, the US and Israel, are utterly convinced that it is a divine task and the Almighty Himself is on their side.

We know Donald Trump wouldn't confess it, but if this is a war about nuclear weapons, it is only partly so. It is not a war about regional hegemony, oil pipelines, or the delicate anxieties of American bases that dot the Persian Gulf. Or Arabian Gulf, the way Sunni Arabs want to call it. No. This war is about God. Three of them, actually. Or perhaps the same one, depending on which angry man in robes you happen to be listening to on any given Tuesday.

Welcome to Operation Holy Mayhem, where primary casualties are reason, sanity, and approximately 2,000 targets inside Iran since the bombs started falling on February 28, already killing people in the thousands.

Let us start in Washington, DC, where piety is suddenly the hottest accessory. A remarkable scene unfolded in the Oval Office right when the dance of death and destruction began in Iran. President Donald Trump sat at the Resolute Desk, eyes closed, as over a dozen evangelical pastors surrounded him, placing their hands upon his shoulders and back in the ancient ritual known as "laying on of hands". The Reverend Samuel Rodriguez, reportedly moved to the very marrow of his evangelical soul, prayed fervently: "With gratitude and humility, we pray for President Trump. You assigned him, you appointed him, you anointed him for such a time as this." The Anointed One sat still, eyes shut. Outside, the drones were warming up.

The Anointed. Appointed. Assigned. Presumably by the Almighty Himself, who one imagines has a rather full schedule but still found time to hand-pick a thrice-married Manhattan real estate developer to be the instrument of divine will in the Middle East. One must admire the theological ambition.

And it did not stop there. According to the Military Religious Freedom Foundation, complaints have poured in from over a hundred American service members across 40 different units spread across 30 military sites. Their commanders, it is alleged, told them that Trump "has been anointed by Jesus to light the signal fire in Iran to cause Armageddon and mark his return to Earth". A non-commissioned officer wrote that his commanding officer "urged us to tell our troops that this was 'all part of God's divine plan' and he specifically referenced numerous citations out of the Book of Revelation referring to Armageddon and the imminent return of Jesus Christ".

One pauses here. Breathes. Considers. American soldiers are apparently being briefed for combat the way a vicar prepares for Evensong, except the liturgy involves missile coordinates and the sermon ends with an airstrike. The Pentagon has weaponised the Book of Revelation. We have, in effect, achieved peak absurdity.