A playoff plea from a dejected Toronto Maple Leafs fan: please, just win

As a Leafs fan, waiting for puck drop before the team's first game of the Stanley Cup playoffs is a lot like the anticipation before Christmas morning — only there's a chance that Santa punches you in the face for ever believing in him. 

I tweeted that message last year, and the sentiment still rings true. For fans of this cursed Toronto hockey team, it's more or less the plot of Groundhog Day: once again it's April, and the Leafs are about to head into a hotly contested first round series with the Tampa Bay Lightning. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss — sunrise, sunset.

Every year, Leaf fans trudge to their TVs (or Scotiabank Arena, for the affluent among us) and hope that this time it might be different, that the team won't play the part of Lucy holding the football while we stand in as Charlie Brown, praying to not end up flat on our backs while other fan bases point and laugh.

Now, take what I say here with a grain of salt. I'm not a sports reporter and I don't cover the team — in this case, I'm a glorified fan with a thesaurus, lacking any knowledge of the organization's inner workings.

What I do have, however, is years of suffering at my disposal. Now I know what you're thinking: suffering? That feels a bit extreme. Isn't all sports essentially collective pain felt by a group of people wearing similar logos, interspersed with fleeting bouts of intense joy?

That's the thing: for Leafs fans, where is our joy? Where is the exhilaration that makes the suffering worth it?

Sure, there have been small glimpses here and there. After a decade of absolute mediocrity, the Leafs drafted exceptional talent Auston Matthews in 2016. He now holds the team record for most goals in a single season, with 60 in 2021-2022.

The team played the part of pesky underdog in 2017, not only making the playoffs with a very green roster, but pushing the powerhouse Washington Capitals to six games. The Leafs also enjoyed the team's best single-season record ever last year, netting 115 points. This team is undeniably talented.

But for every accolade, there is a mountain of befuddling crashing and burning. This organization just can't get past the first round of the playoffs, losing in recent years to the Bruins (twice), the Canadiens (after a 3-1 series lead), Columbus (in a pandemic play-in round that wasn't really even the playoffs) and to the aforementioned Lightning last year.

In a disaster that borders on unbelievable, the Leafs somehow even managed to lose a regular season game playing against a former Zamboni driver who worked for the organization in the opposition net. And for the love of my sanity, don't get me started on the 2013 "it was 4-1" meltdown to the Bruins.

I get why other fan bases pile on, reveling in this David versus Goliath-type situation where Goliath keeps tripping up and falling on his own sword. 

This team is valued as one of the top earners in the league. Blue and white jerseys flood into rinks when the Leafs are in town (I'm looking at you, Ottawa) yet Scotiabank Arena is distinctly morgue-like at times, as the suits in the lower bowl feign enthusiasm (if they're even in their seats at all) while more boisterous fans are relegated to the "cheap" seats, or trekking to Buffalo. It's an easy team (and fan base) to mock — all bluster without the results to back it up.

More than once, people have asked me why I don't just pick another team to cheer for. If that was an option, don't you think I would? Choosing to be a Leafs fan with the benefit of hindsight would be like having a time machine and booking a ticket for the maiden voyage of the Titanic. Between my dad passing along his own cursed fandom and growing up around the St. John's Maple Leafs in the 90s, I didn't stand a chance.

I know it sounds like I'm purely harping on the team, but in reality, I'd be ecstatic if they won. Sure, I've had to become slightly detached in recent years as a defence mechanism to preserve my own sanity — but those walls would come tumbling down with a series win against Tampa.