Why Every Parent Needs A ‘Safe Word’ — And How To Use It

Having a plan for what to do when you hit a breaking point can make all the difference.

You might not imagine that there are many scenarios involving kids and a “safe word,” as this is a concept often used in the context of kinky sex. But agreeing on a safe word with your partner for a totally different kind of situation can help both of you be better parents to your kids.

Here’s how it works, as described in a video posted to Instagram by Locke Haman, a father of four in New Hampshire who runs a personal coaching business.

“If you’re losing it on the kids and your partner says the safe word, you need to walk away and let them handle it,” Haman says in the video.

This strategy helps to de-escalate an explosive situation while allowing your partner to save face, he explains in the video. Instead of confronting or criticizing your partner directly — which would likely make them feel, and act, defensively — you’re simply signaling that you can see they need to take a break.

An added bonus? It’s a way to mess with your kids and bring a little humor to an otherwise tense situation.