My Wife And I Are More In Love Than Ever, But I Still Asked Her To Go To Couples Counseling

"Once we hit the 10-year mark, we noticed something: Couples around us were splitting up."

I’ve been married to my wife for over a decade. Sam and I have two young boys, a leopard gecko and a mortgage to pay. We have individual careers, and we co-own a small business. We are perpetually too busy, and our life together doesn’t look like it once did; parenting is stressful, expensive and exhausting.

Like most couples, we argue about big stuff — finances and the kids — and little stuff, like how to correctly load a dishwasher or what to make for dinner. Though we’re a same-sex couple, we experience universal marriage obstacles and often take out our anxiety on each other. In spite of this, we crave more quality time together, and we struggle to make that happen. There’s never enough time or money, and no one to watch the kids. A dinner date here or there is nice, but we often spend this time ruminating on motherhood and all of its aforementioned challenges.

Still, we’ll tell you that we’re happy. We cherish this life we’ve built together, even when it’s difficult. But once we hit the 10-year mark, we noticed something: Couples around us were splitting up.

We worry that divorce may be contagious, but we say to each other: I feel so bad for them. Aren’t we lucky that we’re still in love, that we communicate? We’re OK, right?

I want to be certain. So I told Sam that we need a tuneup, like getting the oil changed in our cars. We need an outsider to teach us healthier communication skills and provide a safe space to reveal our hang-ups. Sam laughed, “We’re one of the strongest couples we know, and you want us in counseling?” I reminded her that none of our friends believed their marriage would fall apart, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to keep ours.