My Partner Wants To Try Something Different In The Bedroom. I'm Afraid It's A Deal-Breaker.
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My partner (38) and I (34) have been together for 3 years, living together for 2. We have a very physically affectionate relationship, a pretty solid sex life (though we did have to work at it a little bit). Recently, though, he’s been working different hours that have him waking up earlier and he’s mentioned that my snoring is keeping him up some nights. The other day, he asked me how I would feel if he crashed in our guest room on nights when it gets particularly bad.I was so embarrassed. I didn’t even know that I snored, let alone that it was loud enough to keep him up. I hate the thought that he was sitting beside me losing sleep and I didn’t realize. He reassured me that this isn’t an every night thing — but I’m scared we’ll end up one of those couples that sleeps separately until they eventually stop “sleeping together” at all. Plus, there’s something really unsexy to me about driving him from bed with my chainsaw snores.And more than anything, I don’t want to lose what we have. I love the extra time we’ve always had to hold each other at night and in the mornings and the chance to talk about our days. It’s my favorite part of every day. But I don’t want to shoot down what my friends are calling a ‘reasonable compromise’ with someone I love either. Is this something we should try or are we setting ourselves up for heartbreak and a dead bedroom?”Reluctant Sleep Divorcée
Dear Reluctant,
While snoring is a health condition that you shouldn’t ignore (your sleep matters too!), my heart breaks at the idea of anyone internalizing it as a sign that they’re less sexy, desirable or lovable — or that trying out this new arrangement is at odds with being the devoted partners you’ve always been to one another.
Human bodies are funky noise (and smell) factories, and it’s a healthy sign of intimacy and maturity for couples to give each other some grace about it. There’s no amount of honk-shoo, snore-mimimi or “chainsaw” noises that can undo a strong, loving foundation.
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