I Was Stuck In A Toxic Situationship. I Thought He Was The Problem — Until I Had A Frightening Realization.

"What Patrick and I were doing was weird and ridiculous, especially when we’d make plans to see each other, and he would bail or completely disappear at the last minute."

I was curled up on my couch. My face twisted in a grimace. One hand rested on my lower abdomen, acting as a makeshift heating pad to soothe the unending purple nurple assaulting my uterus.

Claire, this has to stop.

I groaned.

I felt alone and scared. That feeling started when my gynecologist, Elizabeth, called four days before. She said, “Your pap smear came back abnormal, which isn’t concerning. Every woman has an abnormal pap at least once in her life.” Elizabeth had the bubbly, positive enthusiasm of a cheerleader, pepping the crowd up for the homecoming game. I wanted to believe her, however, at 37 years old, this was my first abnormal pap smear.

I was married straight out of college and divorced nine years later. While my ex-husband and I had our issues, infidelity wasn’t one. My marriage was the tower that protected my vagina from the dangers lurking outside the castle wall. Only one prince had access. Now divorced for a year and a half, I had encountered a few wannabe princes, but mostly frogs. An abnormal pap was extremely concerning.