Experts Say 'Insinuation Anxiety' Is On The Rise — And Technology Might Be To Blame

You've probably dealt with this without even knowing.

I recently sent a text to a friend confirming that we were grabbing lunch at a local spot; I had made the reservation a week ago. Her reply sent me spiraling: “We’ll see.” Did she change her mind because of something I said? Was she rejecting me? Did her decision to meet up depend on something I should/shouldn’t do next? I read and reread our text exchange at least a dozen times, and that night I couldn’t sleep. My mind raced and my heart pounded.

Experts call my agita “insinuation anxiety,” and thanks to society’s uber-dependence on technology, it’s on the rise. Texting, DMs, email and social posts have taken away most of the cues we used to rely on for understanding each other.

“It’s the panic you feel when someone is unclear in their communication and your mind automatically jumps to the worst interpretation,” explained therapist Alison McKleroy, author of “Essential Strategies for Social Anxiety.” “You think, ‘they must be mad at me’ or ‘they’re disappointed and pulling away.’ You assume someone is thinking negatively about you, but you don’t have any real evidence.”

“Insinuation anxiety happens when your mind tries to fill in the blanks,” noted Florida therapist Esin Pinarli, founder of Eternal Wellness Counseling. “In a world of short texts, quick emails, Slack pings and vague online comments, people are receiving more ambiguous communication than ever. Our brains do not like ambiguity. When we don’t get explicit information, the brain invents a story, and it can often choose a threatening one.”

McKleroy said this type of anxiety is understandable: “As humans, we are wired to belong. Our sense of safety and well-being are inextricably linked with our social connections. We want to know where we stand with the people around us so we can feel safe and at ease.”