Romance scammer reveals how he tricks women after failing to fool Go Public reporter

When "Bobby Brown" sent me a direct message on Instagram, I knew right away he wasn't the real deal. A tall, handsome, 40-something man who said he'd found my social media profile and become enamoured. 

"Nice smile," he wrote. "I'm Bobby Brown from Sacramento, California, USA. Currently living in Scotland working here as an oil drilling engineer." 

Usually, I delete messages from strangers who reach out on social media claiming to be soldiers, surgeons or, like "Bobby," oil rig engineers. An uncannily high number claim they are widowed. 

I suspected this online Romeo was running one of the most popular cons going — the romance scam.

With Valentine's Day approaching, Go Public asked the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre (CAFC) for statistics on romance scams and received some staggering figures.

Romance scams were responsible for some of the highest financial fraud losses in 2023, according to the CAFC, costing 945 victims more than $50 million. That means each person lost an average of almost $53,000. And that only reflects the fraud that victims reported to authorities.

Rather than scoff at people who fall prey to romance scams, social psychologist Andre Wang says people should understand what drives that need for connection.

"It's actually tapping into something that's quite fundamental about who we are as human beings," says Wang, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Toronto. "This fundamental need to belong."

After six weeks of messaging back and forth with Bobby, I finally called him out and asked him to come clean about his life as a romance scammer, how he does it and why he says he can't stop. 

After Bobby introduced himself as an oil drilling engineer, he explained he was working in Scotland on a short-term contract and had a nine-year-old son in a military boarding school in the U.S.

"Can I have your mobile number?" he asked right away, claiming that his laptop battery was almost dead so he'd need to switch to texting on his phone.

Over the next couple of weeks, Bobby asked for my number repeatedly. I learned later that he was worried that if one of the many other women he was corresponding with reported the phoney account, Instagram would shut it down.

Within two weeks, he was calling me "dear" and "sweetheart."

He came on pretty heavy — and his English didn't always make sense. "Well you are really an interesting woman, I would love to be a part of you," he wrote.