Nine years and 15 jobs — the endless cycle of the gig economy is eating at my confidence

This First Person article is written by Merina Shrestha, a gig economy worker trying to find a permanent job in Calgary. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

The sky is still golden pink when I catch the bus and then the train to downtown Calgary — a new job, a new beginning.

But at the second stop, a familiar sign catches my eye. It's on the building where I worked my first job in an administrative position to get my foot in the door as a new immigrant to Canada. 

It's also a grim reminder. There have been so many new beginnings that sometimes I feel I'm going in circles.

This is my ninth year in Canada — my dream country — and my 15th job in a row. I feel I am still scrambling to put my best foot forward. With every contract that ends, my heart sinks, my confidence plunges, and my anxiety grows. I wasn't prepared for how much of the labour market in Canada is based on this precarious work or the gig economy.

When I first moved to Canada from Nepal, I knew I would have to start with a basic entry-level job and work hard to get re-established. Back home, with a business degree, I was an officer in an international not-for-profit organization. After I landed in Calgary, I worked in a couple of retail shops because I saw it as a valuable learning experience and a way to get my start. 

I took training in Canadian employment skills through a local non-profit and got an unpaid placement at a local IT company with the promise of job experience. But at the end of my three-month contract, the firm simply said I did an excellent job and gave me a nice farewell. My manager said there was no permanent role for me and that she was sorry to let me go.

I was disappointed. A colleague told me they were under a hiring freeze, but was that just an excuse? In my heart, I felt I must have done a good job, but not good enough to be hired.

Still working part-time in retail, I knocked on several doors and landed a new assignment as an accounting assistant with a large oil and gas company. My excitement knew no bounds. My job was to help them transition to a new accounting system, a role I felt like I grasped quickly. 

But after six or seven months, work started to recede. As the oil and gas industry went through a downturn, I was again let go with the promise that if they had work in the future, the company would contact me.

Another great job, another reference — but I was again starting all over. The setbacks and frustrations never end.

Sometimes I worry that I can't find a permanent job because I'm an immigrant. At multiple interviews, I'm questioned about my ability to speak English. All through school and work in Nepal, English has been the means of communication. I took for granted that I communicate well. Suddenly, I'm doubting my ability to speak the language.

It has an impact on my family and my confidence.

For the first six years we were in Canada, my family lived in the basement of an old house in northwest Calgary. I felt helpless, watching my kids staring at the ceiling, with no fresh air and little sunlight, until finally the stability my husband found in his career allowed us to qualify for a mortgage.