Navigating changing plans and tough decisions in Quebec over the holidays

This holiday season is being filled with uncertainty and much of the decision-making in Quebec remains up to individuals and their families. 

The pandemic situation in the province is changing fast. Despite having told Quebecers only two weeks ago that he hoped more than 20 people would be able to gather, Premier François Legault admitted Wednesday morning that may have to change. 

In the meantime, many people and their families are scrambling to revisit holiday and travel plans as cases and hospitalizations have seen a sharp rise in recent days, and as the federal government is asking Canadians to avoid non-essential travel. 

"We need to be flexible and remember that the virus is also flexible," said Benoit Barbeau, a virologist in the department of biological sciences at the Université du Québec à Montréal.

Rapid change and uncertainty can bring about difficult emotions and anxiety, and make it tough to navigate close contacts at a time when we want to be with our friends and families the most.

"These are concentrated, uncertain times, but at the end of the day, all our lives are uncertain," says Myrna Lashley, a psychologist and professor at McGill University. 

"What's happening is that people are getting frustrated. People are saying, 'I did everything you said [to do] and most people did.'"

For many, it can feel like the beginning of the pandemic all over again. As Sonia Bélanger, who oversees the COVID-19 response of Montreal's different health boards, said Wednesday, "we can all admit to a sense of déjà vue."

Lashley's advice for the holiday season is to stay pragmatic: keep your gathering small, know who is there and what their vaccination status is. In short, "protect yourself," respect your boundaries and don't compromise your safety to avoid conflict. 

"I don't care if it's your best friend Mary or Aunt Jenny, if they've decided that they don't want to be vaccinated, they can't come into my house," Lashley said. 

"I might sound uncaring but I think that we have to start telling people, 'Look after you,' because that other person who decided not to get vaccinated, in their minds, they're looking after themselves."

Do avoid doomscrolling, though, she says. The practice of scrolling our phones social media feeds for all the bad news of the world, especially when pandemic cases are once again on the rise, can heighten anxiety. 

Whether it's about vaccination status or simply group size, if you're having to exclude someone or decline an invitation, Rose-Marie Charest, another Montreal psychologist, recommends accepting the fact that it may take others some time to come around and understand your decision.

"We have to understand that there are people who will resist understanding our point of view," Charest said on Radio-Canada's Pénélope radio show.