Mother who lost son to suicide now helps other parents going through loss

Bev Cadham was on a plane the first Christmas after her son took his own life. It allowed her to get as far away as possible from all of the reminders that her only child was gone.

Cadham spent much of the next year pre-planning distractions in anticipation of the milestones she'd typically celebrate with her son, Shaymus Chadham-Higgins.

"First year is a tough year because you have every holiday, you got birthdays," Cadham said in an interview. "I kind of thought, 'Oh, how am I going to get through his birthday or how am I going to get through Christmas?'"

At first, it felt impossible. Cadham said the death of her son in 2017 at age 22 left a huge hole in her life. She described him as her bright light.

But by the time his birthday came around the following year, she decided to throw a party. 

Cadham invited anyone who had a connection with Shaymus to a local restaurant. Friends, teachers, employers and many others showed up. 

"It was packed," she said. "People had just come because they wanted to celebrate Shay."

She made a tree of pictures of Shaymus. There were also pieces of paper lying around prompting people to write down something they loved about the late birthday boy or a favourite memory they have of him.

"It was a good way for them to work through their healing process as well."

In the months after Shaymus died, his mother found herself speaking to a lot of people about her son. 

Cadham, who works for the Canadian Mental Health Association in Halifax, spoke to students at her son's old high school about mental health. She also held a vigil for Shaymus in her home community of Eastern Passage, N.S.

She remembered these experiences when she continued to struggle years after his death.  "I'm a doer and I work in mental health," she said. "So, I thought my journey is that I have to start looking at ways of talking openly and sharing."

Cadham now works with Roots of Hope, a national initiative through the Mental Health Commission of Canada and Nova Scotia Health that offers support to people who are suicidal or have lost someone to suicide. 

"Surprisingly there's a lot of people out there trying to tell their story. There's not always safe spaces for people," said Seana Jewer, community engagement leader for Roots of Hope.