Many LGBTQ+ Americans Are Planning To Leave The Country. What Will Happen If I Stay?

"I don’t know a single person in my queer community who hadn’t considered their own exit strategy in the wake of a Trump administration."

When I was four years old, my dad’s job transferred him north, so he and my mom moved our family to Canada for six years. While living there, they decided that we should all become Canadian citizens. I don’t know what compelled my parents to go through the process of gaining citizenship for all of us in a country we didn’t plan to live in very long, but I’m glad they did. Through the years, it’s always felt like a safety net for me, especially as anti-LGBTQ+ sentiment here in the United States has increased.

Last summer, as the presidential election loomed, my wife and I talked frequently about what it would look like if we decided to take our two kids and leave the country. We understood, and still do, that we’re “protected” here in New York, but when you’re an LGBTQ+ family, it doesn’t matter where you live, or how safe you feel: You must always have a plan.

After Nov. 5, my plan was to cry. All the time. But I had to make dinner for my kids and do the laundry. I also had a deadline for an article I was writing, and I needed to get in touch with my sources.

I have a professional acquaintance in the Midwest who, like me, is queer, married, and raising two kids. I had an unusually difficult time getting her on the phone for our early November interview. “I know this is a challenging time,” I texted, “just let me know when you’re free.” When I finally did get to speak with her, she confessed why she’d been so busy. It wasn’t simply the exhausting aftermath of an election that devastated much of the queer community; she and her trans husband were moving their family abroad.

I was impressed. I don’t know a single person in my queer community who hadn’t considered their own exit strategy in the wake of a Trump administration. I also didn’t know anyone who was actually going through with it. Gina, who requested to withhold her last name for her family’s safety, told me, “I don’t want to live here feeling angry and hurt. It’s not good for my mental well-being, feeling betrayed by people everywhere I go.”