Lowering My Expectations On Mother’s Day Was The Best Thing I’ve Ever Done

Being really honest about what I wanted (and didn't want) for Mother's Day made the day so much better for me.

I’m the default brain in my family. The keeper of schedules and meal times and the rememberer of lost items, including car keys, socks and homework — so I know how heavy the mental load can feel. And I’m not the only one.

Research on parents’ mental loads from the University of Bath in late 2024 found that 71% of mothers are the primary planners in their household. So if your overworked mom-brain is desperately looking for a break, it makes sense.

Of course, when I became a mother, I was aware there would be no true breaks or sick days — except for that one special day a year: Mother’s Day. When I was pregnant with my son, visions of sleeping late, breakfast in bed and boxes of appreciative chocolates danced in my head. But, now that I am a mom, the reality is: Breakfast doesn’t happen unless I am the one making it, and my dogs would never let me sleep in. Over the years, I’ve observed that this day really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

While well-intended, Mother’s Day can bring on feelings of loss and intensify disappointment. It’s these associations that can deflate your Mother’s Day fast and make your day feel as special as unloading the dishwasher. A 2015 report from Edison Research indicates that only 48% of mothers feel they have control over how they spend Mother’s Day, and a YouGov survey reveals that 30% of mothers with adult children have felt let down.

Why does Mother’s Day stir up big emotions for so many moms?