Breaking up with my husband, surprisingly, saved my marriage
CBC
This First Person article is the experience of Jessyka Hagen, who lives in Airdrie, Alta. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.
I stared at Jordan and wondered how I had ever been in love with him. It was a chilly winter night and we had been arguing.
Frustrated, I blurted out words that changed my relationship forever.
"I'm done. You win."
Jordan and I separated soon after.
The couple who argued that night in the kitchen was nothing like the couple we used to be when we met seven years ago.
There used to be a time when being with Jordan was fun. Full of adventure. Chaos. High highs and low lows. Intoxicating.
Jordan and I met at a pub where I was bartending. He came in for his friend's birthday lunch. He instantly stood out from the crowd. Not because he was wearing baggy white jeans, a tropical bird print beach shirt, a snapback hat (with the sticker still on) and a confident strut, but because when he smiled, he smiled with his entire face.
When I carded him, I realized he was three years younger than me and also a friend of my younger sister. Insert eye roll. Love at first sight was more like love for a split second.
Despite my best efforts, Jordan eventually won me over and we went on a date a month later.
The first time he told me he loved me, he meant it and I knew. The sound of "you" escaping his lips carried more weight than ever before.
He never missed a morning text to tell me I was beautiful. I would surprise him at work with coffee or organize weekend getaways to places neither of us had ever been. We were always together, never got tired of each other and yet we were always enthusiastic to learn more about each other. We took up hobbies, we watched different shows together, we made an effort.
Four years later, we got married. At the time, I felt becoming his wife was the best decision. It was a new adventure. A promise to have fun together forever. But it was also incredibly hard.
It was like we subconsciously both decided to do everything possible to see how far we could push each other.
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