After 73 years of marriage, this couple is forced to live apart

An Ottawa couple has had to live in separate care facilities for 19 months, despite their children's efforts to reunite them, which one expert calls a "human tragedy".

Their daughter Cynthia Hooper said she's concerned about the effect the separation is having on the cognitive health of her parents, John and Gwen Hooper. Her father, in particular, has suffered cognitive decline.

"Whenever he's agitated, he often, often calls out my mother's name," Cynthia said. 

"It's heart-wrenching that after 73 years of marriage, they're forced to live apart."

The couple had been living at Portobello Manor in Orléans until June 2021. At that point, John had been leaving the residence — sometimes in the middle of the night — and needed to be moved to Perley Health for his care.

Cynthia said the family tries to help connect her parents with phone calls, but the visits are few.

Her 92-year-old mother's condition makes it hard to travel by car and sometimes her father is asleep when they arrive.

On top of that, COVID-19 outbreaks and lockdowns have aggravated the separation. 

Cynthia said when John, now 95, suffered a near-fatal respiratory infection late last fall, she realized the urgency of reuniting her parents.

"It's just driving home [realizing] one or the other of my parents may die and not have [reunited] under the same roof," she said.

Cynthia said she and her brother reached out to local politicians and Ontario's Long-Term Care Action Line, but were given little hope. 

"I think there should be some room too to reunite people who have been married for decades. There's a physical [care] need, but there's also a mental need and I think that needs to be addressed," she said.

University of Ottawa professor Ivy Bourgeault is a co-lead on a research project that aims to add quality to late life for people living in long-term care and for their caregivers.

She said spousal reunification is important in improving the quality of life in care settings.