6 Of The Most Passive-Aggressive Phrases You’re Probably Using (But Shouldn’t Be)

Plus, the sneaky reason we communicate this way in the first place.

Passive-aggressive behavior occurs frequently in everyday interactions with our friends, romantic partners, family members and co-workers. But because it can be insidious, you may not always recognize when it’s happening to you — or when you’re guilty of doing it yourself.

What does being “passive-aggressive” mean, exactly? It’s when you express negative emotions, such as anger or hostility, in an indirect (or passive) manner, explained Los Angeles clinical psychologist Ryan Howes — “particularly in a way that is easily deniable or not directly linked to the aggressor.”

He offered an example: Say you were frustrated with a loved one. Instead of telling them how you feel, you just “forget” to pick them up from the train station that day.

“This is easily deniable as a simple brain fart, but deep down you know you didn’t pick them up because you wanted payback for whatever they did to anger you,” Howes explained. “It’s classified as a defense mechanism because you are defending yourself from the potential pain of expressing your pain or anger directly and reaping their response, which might hurt.”

When you’re being passive-aggressive, you’re attempting to convey your feelings about something without actually saying what you want to say, Toronto-based relationship expert and sexologist Jess O’Reilly told HuffPost.