With 500 Moe Bucks burning a hole in our collective pocket, maybe it's time for a new pair of pants

This Opinion piece is by Craig Silliphant, a writer, editor, critic, broadcaster and creative director based in Saskatoon.

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The Saskatchewan Party announced it's giving us each $500. We've landed on the free parking square in Monopoly, if your family plays with that controversial rule.

Is it a PR smokescreen bribe for voters after a summer of scandals? Or a generous gift culled from our mighty resources to help families with rising costs?

These Moe Bucks won't help our devastated health care or ailing education systems, but FIVE HUNNY, BABY! Cue Oprah shouting, "You get $500! You get $500! You get $500!"

The Barenaked Ladies wrote a song called If I had a Million Dollars. If a Saskie had $500 burning a hole in their jeans, what could they spend it on?

I mean, besides new jeans. Moe money, mo' problems.

The first place I go is hedonistic instant gratification. I'll take $500 worth of perogies, please. A doughy, glistening, mountain of perogies, as tall as Blackstrap or Table, with rivers of sour cream and butter running down the sides and bulldozers shoveling them into my perogy hole.

I am the Perogy King from beyond the Garlic Curtain! You wish you were a visionary like me! You shouldn't have spent your Moe Bucks on snow tires, fools!

Maybe it would be smarter to use the cash infusion to invest in my own future. I'll buy some potash. It's a hot commodity, right? People want potash like they wanted Cabbage Patch Kids in 1983. I can keep it in a storage locker by the airport and sell it door-to-door. "Potash man! Git yer potash! Good for what ails ye!"

Am I thinking too small here?

Some have suggested we pool our money for bigger spending power. It costs about $450 million to give us each $500. So together we have almost half a billion dollars. That could affect real change.

You've seen the giant Easter egg in Vegreville, Alberta, right?

We could put our funds together and create our own tourism monstrosity. A giant statue of Gordie Howe in his birthplace of Floral, Saskatchewan!