Should Cyrus Broacha wear a hair weave, wig, or hair piece?

Facing the truth about male hair fall struggles with humour and sarcasm, urging readers to brace themselves for the journey.

We must face the truth. We can’t keep hiding. I suppose, we can keep hiding, but it’s painful. So, we must face the reality. I guess, by now, all of you have guessed it. I can see a number of anxious faces. (Now, when I say I can see, I mean, I obviously, can’t see, but it’s more like I feel I can see all of you, oh and by all of you, I mean the men folk). Yes, this is the problem we men must deal with. For many, it’s worse than the Indian man’s worst nightmare, which obviously is trying to understand the subtle changes in the tax structure, or whether to wear shoes or sandals when the invite says semi-formal.

Before we tackle this large elephant in our tiny bedroom, let me warn that some people (and by people, I mean men. The author also wants to stress that the word ‘people’ normally is inclusive of women, but in this context, he’s borrowed it for a very short time to mean men only, and within minutes, he will return it), will be badly affected by dealing with this conversation openly. So, the best I can offer is make sure you are sitting down, with an adequate back rest, before reading further.

To be fair, the subject is open to men from all ages, previously referred to as the ‘people’. To be absolutely super fair, it can and does occasionally affect women and animals. However, amongst animals, reptiles are exempted. To be totally clear, both male and female reptiles are exempted. However, two preeminent scientists, who today face jail terms for impersonating Income Tax officers, have written a monumental complete book on this whole situation. Professor Ranjan and Rango’s book called, ‘Why it falls’? is sadly out of stock.

In the meantime, please brace yourselves. If you feel like going to the toilet, go now. I’ll leave two blank paragraphs, to give you some time. Okay, as I have not heard from you, let’s proceed, since time immemorial and definitely, since the last two-and-a-half years, males have had a huge complexed and often bitter relationship with hair fall. I don’t like to use the term hair loss, because that implies the hair just got lost on its own accord.

‘Hair fall’, is more appropriate, in terms of terminology. The reasons for hair fall as listed by inmates, Professor Ranjan and Rango include, genetics, or as I like to call it ‘your parents’ fault’, and diet, or as I like to call it, also your parents’ fault. From Toronto to Thiruvananthapuram, (sorry no direct flights available), men face an epic struggle dealing with the fall from scalp. Many seek gurus, psychiatrist, herbal remedies and change of spouses to help with the cure.

Sadly, in each of these cases, the hair fall just gets further accelerated. Now I’m at the precipice, (figuratively, I’m actually on couch), hair weave wig or hair piece? That’s the option the wife has put forward. I urge the readers to help me choose wisely by writing their suggestions to the editor, in triplicate, of course. Now, as my guru RajwRam has instructed me, please let me do a headstand to urge hair follicles to go forward. 

The writer has dedicated his life to communism. Though only on weekends.