I split with my husband 15 months ago. Calgary's hot rental market means we still share a roof

This First Person column is the experience of Tammy Nelson, who lives in Calgary. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

Fifteen months had passed since my husband and I had separated, but it didn't feel like much had changed.

I was eating dinner at the same table, sitting right next to my ex-husband. 

We are no longer a couple and he has a girlfriend. But because of Calgary's tight rental market, we're both still living in our family home. This evening our two teenage sons were out. My ex ate silently, scrolling social media on his phone.

"This is lonely and surreal," I thought, eating the pre-made fish fingers and fries he'd cooked for dinner. 

Our relationship hadn't always been like that. He was my boyfriend in university and we married 24 years ago. My husband was independent and playful. I loved his fun-loving nature. We shared similar values and we rarely fought.

Then we had children and slowly everything changed. The boys had medical issues and I cut back to part-time work to care for them. My husband found other interests and left for fishing or backpacking trips most weekends. 

We grew apart and I began to feel invisible – a maid and a mother, nothing more. In May 2023, I told my husband I wanted a separation.  

Speaking the truth about my feelings and wants was a huge relief. I was ready to start a new chapter and move on. The problem was housing. 

Calgary's housing market was and is hot. Across the country, people have heard of what the provincial government calls the "Alberta Advantage" and have been flocking to Calgary for less expensive housing and job opportunities. That drove up prices here and, by 2023, the average monthly cost for a 2-bedroom was $1,695, which was almost my entire monthly wage as a part-time administrative assistant. 

So my ex-husband and I worked out a deal. We decided to stay living in the same house, in separate bedrooms, and we would alternate being away on weekends to give each other space. 

During the week, we both worked from home twice a week — he in our tiny backyard office and I from a small desk in the dining room. 

He also committed to making dinner more often, and I accepted that we would be eating more pre-cooked, frozen meals. I continued managing the family finances, but I stopped doing his taxes and filing his medical benefits.

At first, I found the arrangement agreeable. I crashed at friends' homes on my weekends away. Sometimes I got lucky and was able to house sit while others travelled. Other times, I slept in spare basement bedrooms. I spent more time with friends. I rested.