I photographed my daughter's home birth — a powerful moment of love, grief, humility and reconciliation

This First Person column is written by Ian Maracle, a photographer and digital media producer living in Brantford, Ont. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

I am Tuscarora Bear Clan of Six Nations of the Grand River. I have four beautiful children — Gage, 14, Allister, 6, Avery, who will be 3 in November, and Lillian, who is six months.

I've been doing photography for 11 years. I've alway been creative. I went to culinary school. I was a copywriter, who worked in radio, TV, print and digital. But photography has always been that constant for me. I love capturing those unexpected moments of humanity, whether it's of clients, friends, family or myself. Capturing those moments, those people and those genuine interactions — that's so special to me.

I had not captured the births of my children before in photos. But I knew, when my partner Jennifer was pregnant earlier this year, that was our last child. That's why I wanted to capture Lillian's birth and have that special moment for me and my family forever. 

Because this was such a personal and intimate moment, I thought it would be prudent to ask Jennifer's permission. She said yes and agreed that such a special moment would be incredible to capture. It was an amazing gift from her to me.

She had been labouring all day in our bedroom. I had made the bed for her and she was just sort of cozied up under the sheets. 

It got pretty unbearable around 10 p.m. It was a warm night and the kids were out of the house. They're curious, and there's a lot of screaming and blood in childbirth. Plus, we thought  it would be distracting for both of us. 

This was Jennifer's first home birth and what an incredible experience it was. 

The midwives from the Six Nations birthing centre came to our home. The same midwives had helped to birth our eldest daughter. They were incredible — so helpful, caring, compassionate and loving. 

As this was a home birth, there was a lot of anxiety about what could happen or things that could go wrong. We didn't focus on that, but it sits in the back of your head. But also, I thought about Jennifer's resilience. This is the second time I've seen her labour at home (the first time she delivered at the birthing centre). The strength it takes to go through the process. There was no epidural. 

Birth is hard. Birth is dangerous. As a man, I cannot fathom the pain that women go through in this process. 

And then the happiness that just floods over everybody in the room when that baby finally comes. 

Lillian was born in her amniotic sac, which is really uncommon. When she came out, she was squished up in this filmy sac. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. The midwives were in awe, because it's a rare occurrence, even for them.

That's when we brought the other kids back. It was just like this amazing love fest. Allister, our second oldest son, was so happy to meet his new baby sister. Avery was also happy to meet her. She's only two-and-a-half-years-old, but she understands.