'I love you but I hate you.' What to do when you can't stand your long-term partner
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It's often said there is a thin line between love and hate, but is it OK to sometimes hate your long-term partner? If you ask actress Jamie Lee Curtis, it's practically necessary.
It’s often said there is a thin line between love and hate, but is it OK to sometimes hate your long-term partner? If you ask actress Jamie Lee Curtis, it’s practically necessary.
Asked about the secret to her 40-year marriage to actor Christopher Guest, she recently said the key includes patience, perseverance and “a really good dose of hatred.”
“All of a sudden you literally want to hate each other. And then the next day, it’s a pretty, sunny day, and the dog does something cute or your child does something cute, and you look at each other and you’re like, ‘Aw, gosh,’” Curtis told Entertainment Tonight after picking up an Emmy Award for her role in “The Bear." “And you’re on another track.”
Relationship experts say it’s normal for couples to experience moments of what feels like genuine hatred. The difference between couples who last and those who don’t can lie in how they handle their emotions in those moments.
“Hating the person you love is the most common thing in the world,” said Jane Greer, a marriage and family therapist and author of “Am I Lying to Myself? How to Overcome Denial and See the Truth." “We think we’re supposed to love our partner all the time unconditionally, but that’s not the way it works.”
Stereotypical annoyances, like leaving the toilet seat up or cluttering the floor with shoes, accumulate when left unaddressed, said Terri Orbuch, a sociology professor at Oakland University and author of “Five Simple Steps to Take Your Marriage from Good to Great.”
To prevent pet peeves from growing into a bigger problem, it’s important to “sweat the small stuff,” said Orbuch, who in her research has followed hundreds of couples over the course of 36 years.
