How a London, Ont., funeral director is destigmatizing death through conversation

Paul Needham remembers the first time someone called him a death educator. 

At the time, roughly 13 years ago, the title casually given to him in a thank-you letter from a grieving widow following her husband's funeral struck him as surprising and strange, the London funeral director said.

Now, it's something that has shaped his career and altered its trajectory.

"It absolutely changed the way I view my work, how I deal with families, what I say to families," said Needham, who has roughly 38 years of experience as a funeral director and owns Northview and Westview Funeral Chapels in London, Ont.

Since that day, Needham said, he's expanded his scope of responsibility past the role of a funeral director, and has included a quest to de-stigmatize death through conversation.

He does that through countless hours spent speaking to rooms full of long-term care residents and thanatology students, but also through a special emphasis on having those conversations with individuals.

"It's an effort to take a lot of the negative stigma out of death and dying," he said. "I really endeavor to provide families with some eye opening material, some information that should be helpful to them in contemplating their own demise or that of someone that they know [and love]."

Needham is often called to long-term care homes in the London region and beyond to speak with residents and educate staff, he said, adding that the importance of these conversations is paramount in his eyes.

"In North America, I feel as if we've become part of a death denying society. A good example is that people will not refer to someone as having died. They'll say, 'We've lost them,' or 'They've passed away,'" Needham said.

The dark cloud that hangs over the discussion is exactly what leads to some 80 per cent of Needham's clients first making contact with him after the death of their loved ones, he said.

That lack of planning often leads to a difficult funeral planning process that happens in the throes of grief, rather than allowing the deceased person's loved ones can focus solely on mourning and remembrance.

While convincing people that speaking about their inevitable demise is difficult, Needham finds a compassionate, but direct approach to those conversations is key in helping people understand what's at stake.

Particularly in the conversations he has with families and individuals, he said, a number of straightforward and necessary goals like statistical information for death registration, obituaries, and funeral plans are important.

Those conversations often go in the direction of education on aspects of deathcare like embalming, to personal aspects like spirituality.