A school staffer cut their son's hair. Putting things right for their child with autism has been hard

Sara Zahan gets a warm feeling when she sees her son Saraf standing in front of a mirror at home, brushing his hair and admiring his moptop coif.

She and her husband haven't had success taking their affectionate and playful nine-year-old — who is non-verbal, and diagnosed with Level 3 autism spectrum disorder — to a barber or hairstylist. So, they manage haircuts themselves, with strategies like quick trims while Saraf's asleep.

Given that sensitivity, the couple was shocked earlier this month when they found Saraf distraught and acting aggressively toward them and his caregivers, after one of his classroom educators — a person they say they previously disagreed with over his hair — had cut some of it during the school day. 

"I cannot forget [this incident] because my son cannot communicate. He cannot talk. We are the voice for him," Zahan said.

Despite meetings and multiple email threads over the past three weeks, Zahan and husband Muksat Rahman have felt upset and dissatisfied with their interactions with Saraf's Toronto school. That's not an uncommon feeling among parents of students with disabilities, according to experts, who note that these families often face an uphill battle navigating schooling for their children, especially when conflicts arise. 

The Toronto District School Board declined an interview with CBC News for this story, but confirmed some details of the incident in a statement issued Thursday.

"On the morning of April 4th, a Grade 4 student with special education needs, who is non-verbal, became upset about a red, sticky substance in his hair, continually guiding an educational assistant's hand to his head where the substance was. The EA, hoping to make him feel better, trimmed a small portion of his hair to remove the substance," the TDSB said. 

"Despite the best of intentions, this should not have happened without first checking with a parent. The EA, who has apologized to the family, has been temporarily put on home assignment while the school conducts the appropriate investigation."

The family acknowledges the apology, but disputes how much of Saraf's hair was cut — the couple say it was more than "a small portion" — as well as the special education worker's intention, given prior conversations.

The staffer was "always talking about Saraf's hair every time we meet her. 'Did you give Saraf a shampoo? Why you don't cut [it]? His hair is growing long,'" according to Zahan. 

She said they agreed about washing the youngster's hair daily, but emphasized his and their preference for his longer coif, which they noted didn't interfere with his daily activities. Instead of bickering, Zahan said, they tried to shift focus to positive topics, such as the skills her child had been learning and working on in class.

After the incident however, when told the school could not secure a replacement educational assistant to work in Saraf's classroom, the couple chose to keep him at home for much of the following two weeks. Now, Zahan and Rahman are exploring a fast-tracked transfer to another TDSB school.

When considering students' successful participation in the school system, one notable factor is how much they and their families feel welcome and valued in school spaces, said Kathryn Underwood, a professor at Toronto Metropolitan University. 

For students with disabilities, "we have a ways to go in that regard," said the researcher, whose areas of study include inclusive education and disabilities studies.