Seeing the effect of loss at Women's World Cup the downside of reporting on event

As I prepared to return home from the Women's World Cup in Australia, it is fair to say that Canada's premature and heartbreaking exit caused a bevy of emotions.

The team, staff, media covering the match, and, of course, the team's supporters across Canada, were all flooded with everything from dismay, shock, frustration — all parts of grief.

Then there were the practical implications of the loss for me. Logistics needed to be worked out, tickets needed to be changed and hotel reservations had to be cancelled. It goes without saying that Canadian media anticipated being in Australia far longer than our fates decided. 

Although I will continue to cover the tournament, it will be from the comfort of my home or office — blasting with air conditioning as Toronto swelters in the August heat. I packed up all the hoodies and track pants that I have greatly enjoyed wearing. I love cold weather and despite having to purchase a Vicks nose inhaler, I have enjoyed this season Down Under tremendously. 

Soccer has always brought me happiness and despair. It is exhilarating to play, thrilling to watch, and a joy to cover professionally. Yes, the hours and travel can be arduous, but I love my job. There is no doubt about that. 

WATCH: Tearful Jessie Fleming hopes for redemption at Paris 2024 Olympics:

There are defining moments of one's' career and covering Canada's loss may be one of mine.

How do you ask about the result, response and reaction in a way that isn't more upsetting for players crying in front of you? When their faces look defeated, discouraged and the mood is the polar opposite of joyous? When players are taking blame for the result or apologizing to the country for disappointing them? When this year has been taxing on this team in ways that shouldn't have been? When this may very well be veteran Christine Sinclair's last appearance with the senior team? How do you effectively produce work when navigating so much heaviness is required? 

In this whole process I have been contemplating joy and what it means to the beautiful game.

With Monday's match many contemplated the pain of loss. We saw a beloved team brutally ousted from this competition. Were the fates against Canada? Was it stress from off the pitch? The dispute with Canada Soccer? Was it a poorly executed game plan? Was it that Australia just wanted it more? What I do know is that all of those things can be true and all of them can be difficult to digest. 

WATCH: Sinclair says early exit a 'wake-up call' for Canada Soccer:

Having to cover the situation with empathy while simultaneously offering reaction and perspective to folks back home is not easy.  I was feeling both numb and like something was swirling inside of me, but I couldn't let that impact my work. I filed my story but I didn't sleep much that night. By 4 a.m., my editor instructed me to put my phone down. The day after Canada's loss, I stayed away from a lot of social media. I heard from family and colleagues (and even a reader who contacted me) that some of the commentary back home was unforgiving and bordered on mean.

Instead of watching any other matches, the next day I opted to sleep, organize my room and pack, and then went for a delicious dinner with colleagues. We laughed and had a chance to enjoy each others' company without a looming deadline. It was an evening of appreciation and dare I say, fun.

On Wednesday I went to watch Brazil play Jamaica. I wanted to feel happiness again and not leave Australia with a pit in my stomach. The odds were mostly in favour of the South American Canaries. The Reggae Girlz had a difficult time financially and no one foresaw them advancing.