My Ex and I Are Friends. Why Won’t His Wife Accept That?

A reader feels hurt by her former partner, who has distanced himself from her now that he’s in a new relationship.

Twenty-five years ago, I ended a long relationship. Eventually, my ex and I became dear platonic friends. Over time, I married a wonderful man, and he married, divorced and began a new relationship. We used to socialize as couples and include each other in major life events. But his new wife, who seems delightful, appears unwilling to do that. When I extend invitations to them as a couple, my friend shows up alone. We weren’t invited to their wedding, which many mutual friends attended. Now my relationship with my friend is limited to phone calls. These feel unrewarding when there is little likelihood of meeting in person, and it’s painful to hear about events my husband and I might once have attended. Is there anything I can do to improve this situation?

KITTY

Life is change. We lose things as we go; we gain things too. And often, the gains and losses are entwined. If you hadn’t called it quits with your former partner, for instance, you may never have fallen in love with your husband. Now, don’t misunderstand me: I’ve been in your shoes, Kitty. I know how painful change can be.