My Brother Wants Me Out of His Life. Can I Change His Mind?
The New York Times
A reader seeks advice on defusing sibling tension.
One of my brothers — the sibling I’ve always felt closest to — recently told me that he will no longer speak to me. He claims I am self-righteous, judgmental and sarcastic, and he said he’s felt this way for a long time. (I will admit to being opinionated.) I am not entirely shocked; we’ve had bouts of tension before. But I am surprised by how well and for how long he kept his strong feelings to himself. He lives in a distant city and delivered his news over the phone. At the end of the call, it was clear he was severing ties with me indefinitely. Can I reach out to him to try to repair the damage?
ROSS
The one thing I’m pretty sure of here is that reaching out to your brother is not the best first step. Your letter suggests that your go-to move may be to quibble with his assessment of your behavior: “I’m not judgmental, I’m just opinionated.” And that would be a surefire loser.
