Mother shares story of daughter's murder to save others from trauma
CBC
Warning: this story contains distressing details.
Joan McDonald is telling her family's story so others might be saved from the trauma of losing a loved one to domestic violence.
"There were so many things that our family didn't know until it was too late to make a difference," McDonald said in an interview with CBC News.
"Like, once a relationship has ended it becomes the most dangerous time for a victim. Our family didn't know that women are six times more likely to be killed by an ex-partner than they are by their current partner, and 70 per cent of domestic homicides take place after the relationship has ended."
On Thursday, McDonald is speaking at a luncheon hosted by Soroptimist International of Saskatoon, a volunteer group that funds programs for women and girls. It's also the last week of the UN 16 Days of Activism against Gender Based Violence global campaign.
McDonald's daughter Abbie Speir was murdered at her Yellow Grass, Sask., home in April 2017 by an abusive ex in the weeks after they separated. McDonald now speaks out about intimate partner violence to help others.
"It is imperative that victims have a safe exit plan and know what constitutes a safe exit plan," McDonald said.
In 2020, Kevin Okafor pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in Speir's death and was sentenced to life in prison with no chance of parole until 2033. During sentencing, the court heard how Speir was just days away from moving into a new home when she died.
Speir, then a 33-year-old mother of three, decided to end the common-law relationship after Okafor punched her in the face. Speir kicked him out of the house, but Okafor refused to end the relationship. As Speir was getting ready to move, Okafor showed up at her house to talk about their relationship, which led to arguing.
Okafor stabbed Speir 55 times, set fire to the basement and left. Police arrested him after a highway chase.
McDonald said it can be difficult to spot signs of partner violence when it involves someone you've accepted into your family and appears to love your family member.
"The danger and the trauma is caused from inside the family, which you don't expect, right?" McDonald said. "But it is very prevalent in many relationships, as the statistics show."
Saskatchewan has one of the highest rates of domestic and family violence in Canada, behind only the Yukon, Northwest Territories and Nunavut, according to Statistics Canada.
In 2023, the province had rates of 710 domestic violence cases and 741 family violence cases per 100,000 population. Nationally, the rates are 354 domestic and 350 family violence cases per 100,000. Rates of domestic violence across Canada have increased 14 per cent since 2018.
The province is looking to eliminate time limits for victims of intimate partner violence seeking civil justice.
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