Jennette McCurdy opens up about child stardom in her memoir I'm Glad My Mom Died

WARNING: This article contains mentions of eating disorders and abuse.

Jennette McCurdy spent most of her life putting her mother on a pedestal.

The child star broke into the television industry at the tender age of six and when her mother passed away in September 2013 from cancer, she didn't know what to do next. 

"I don't know who I am without her because I was living for her, and now she's dead," McCurdy said in an interview with CBC's Q with Tom Power. But McCurdy said there was also a sense of relief. 

"I couldn't face this at the time, but there was some relief there. And I didn't know I would feel so guilty about that relief that I would just shove it down."

Last week, McCurdy released her memoir I'm Glad My Mom Died, garnering attention for both its shocking title and her relationship with her abusive mother, Debra. The 30-year-old also opened up about her struggles with an eating disorder.

"No child is psychologically, emotionally, mentally equipped for the obstacles of child stardom," she said. "Even if they have the greatest support system around them."

The former actor was best known for her role as Sam Puckett on iCarly, a 2007 Nickelodeon sitcom about teenagers with a viral web show. The show ran for six seasons and had a revival in 2021 with most of its original cast members.

But McCurdy said she never wanted to be an actor – this was her mother's dream.

"I think that she saw an opportunity in me and kind of saw a way of maybe fulfilling her dreams," she said.

"I just remember my whole life being sort of oriented to her and orchestrated around her and what she wanted and what she needed and what would make her happy in any moment." McCurdy told Q. 

McCurdy describes her mother as layered and complicated; charismatic, captivating and infectious. But behind closed doors, McCurdy details her actions as manipulative. 

"When I look back, [I can] recognize how much discordance there was between what I wanted and what responses were coming out of my mouth. So anything that came out of my mouth was always to please mom," she said, "Oftentimes, I disagreed with her, but I didn't know how to locate that part of my voice."

McCurdy adds their shared eating disorder was a way for her and her mother to connect.