I was on the road to financial stability but now even a trip to the grocery store gives me anxiety

This First Person column is the experience of Crystal MacCormac, a health sector employee living in Charlottetown. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

Grocery shopping is an anxious and demoralizing day for us. 

My spouse is diabetic and has heart issues, which means we're often left to pick between buying food or medication. Before heading to the cash register, I often evaluate what is in my shopping cart, weighing which of the more expensive items we can forgo or substitute for cheaper stuff to stretch our wallet until the next payday. 

For example, I often swap the more expensive fresh vegetables and opt instead for a frozen entree that has some veggies in it. 

How did I end up back here again? I went to college in my late 30s to improve our financial situation, which worked temporarily. For a few years, I was able to relax a little. We were content and comfortable, and I didn't have to think so hard about prioritizing necessities. It wasn't long enough to become complacent with our budgeting, but it was long enough to make it hard to go back.

At first, we didn't notice as things slowly started to creep up in cost: electricity, gas, groceries and so on. Then it seemed like everything skyrocketed at once: rent, utilities, gas, insurance, medications, clothing, health-care supplies, toiletries, shipping costs and especially groceries. And it hasn't let up.

The wriggle room vanished. Then we bled our savings dry. Now, every cent we earn is used just to survive. There is no extra. Now I'm in my mid-40s, pinching pennies and making choices I didn't have to make since we were below the poverty line. 

I have the same job I had five years ago and my husband actually makes more than he used to, but our money just doesn't go as far anymore. 

We can no longer go to family events like potlucks because we cannot afford to share the meagre food we can buy. It's disheartening to turn down their invitations and I think, because they love us, they've stopped asking as often so we don't have to say no. 

We skimp on groceries and sometimes use the food bank — a place we used to donate to until we could barely get by ourselves. We don't have date nights, eat out or go to the movies. We got rid of our cable and home phone and share just one cell phone between us. We no longer have savings. 

We have shaved all there is to shave. Sometimes I get angry because it feels like I'm being taken advantage of by those in positions of power — nameless, faceless entities who make me feel like I have no say in my own finances. I feel hopeless because there is nothing I can do — not for myself, and not for my loved ones who are struggling as well. 

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I try to take solace where I can. I'm grateful for my family, my friends and my pet. I remind myself that at least I am employed and own my car. These are the things I cling to when I want to curl up in a ball and pretend none of this is happening. 

I hope for a reprieve. Not just for me but for everyone like me who is just struggling to get by. A slowdown in rental increases, considerably lower grocery costs and higher wages could make a big difference.