I survived Stage 3 cancer. I was surprised to find myself struggling with my mental health after it

This First Person column is written by Elizabeth Barnes, who runs an education centre in Ottawa. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

Five years and nine months after my breast cancer diagnosis, I received a phone call from my physician's office reporting a slightly abnormal result of a routine blood test.

While we spoke, I was already Googling the numbers and searching obscure articles and journals to see how it might be an indicator of my cancer spreading and becoming Stage 4. I was sweating, trembling and nauseous, and I knew that I could not pull it together to continue my work day.

Despite that I'd gone through treatment and been cleared several years earlier, I noticed that any kind of cough or ache would lead me to obsessive Googling and sleepless nights even though follow ups and tests would show normal results.

I wondered if my brother's recent death of the same cancer was having an impact. I also worried that I was becoming a hypochondriac and a burden on our health care system.

This all started on June 30, 2018, when I was diagnosed with Stage 3B breast cancer. My doctor called me, and asked if this was a good time. Because my brother had been diagnosed with male breast cancer only three months prior, and my mother and maternal aunt had both died in their 50s of breast cancer, I knew as soon as she asked me this question that it was now my turn.

I went into a closet, sat in the dark, and said, "Yes, this is a good time."

It was a difficult and busy next few months where I turned on autopilot and went from appointment to appointment, keeping myself together outwardly for my kids.

My treatment was out of my control and in the hands of the many doctors and nurses who gently guided me through it with care and compassion.

In January 2019, after many months of surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation, I rang the proverbial bell. I had finished active treatment and was declared NED (no evidence of disease).

Right after the bell ringing, I was both elated and exhausted. I felt fortunate then and I still do every day since.

In many ways, life returned to some state of normalcy. A busy household, my job and a pandemic kept my mind occupied.

But then, a few years into COVID-19, we learned that my brother's cancer had spread to Stage 4. It was a shock because he'd previously been told that his cancer was gone.

Upon hearing of my brother's progression of cancer, I was at once terrified for myself and so very sad for him.