Holidays got you burnt out? Carve out moments of solitude, say experts

It’s called the most wonderful time of the year, but everyone could use a break around the holidays. 

“I'd like to get up on the rooftops and cry out, ‘It's OK to ask for some me time,’” psychologist Robert Coplan told The Sunday Magazine host Piya Chattopadhyay.

Between office parties, family gatherings and plans with friends, there can be lots of socializing crammed into the final weeks of the calendar. But Coplan, a chancellor’s professor of psychology at Carleton University, says spending time in solitude can offer a chance to “catch our breath.”

While people tend to equate loneliness and solitude, Coplan, author of The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Overconnected World, says they’re distinct. 

“Solitude is often construed as a punishment, but if we flip it around in our head and think of it more as a reward — even a gift — time to do things that we want to do…reframing positive thoughts improves our experiences,” he said.

In fact, University of Michigan researchers who analyzed hundreds of U.S. news stories published between 2020 and 2022, found that negative portrayals and discussions of being alone can contribute to the perception that solitude is harmful. The researchers found that negative beliefs about being alone increased participants' feelings of loneliness.

Coplan acknowledges that loneliness can have negative impacts on our mental and physical health, particularly “when there's a mismatch between how we would like our social lives to be and how they’re actually going.”

He likens loneliness to a bad feeling whereas solitude is a state that could allow for positive experiences for us.

People tend to prioritize others' needs to the detriment of their own, but Toronto-based psychiatrist Marcia Sirota argues we should spend our time on things we find enriching. 

“If you don't take enough time to be alone and tune into who you are, how you feel and what you need, it's impossible to pursue things that are going to really feed your true being,” she said.

That lack of alone time can evoke negative feelings, too, Coplan says.

Researchers coined the term “aloneliness” to describe those wanting more alone time or a dissatisfaction with one’s solitary life.

“They feel more stressed, tend to have more negative moods, they even suffer sometimes from symptoms of depression,” Coplan said.

He encourages people to choose solitude and embrace the joy of missing out, better known as JOMO.