Canadians seeking closure are finally holding funerals, memorials delayed by COVID-19

For more than a year since Neil McIlveen's death, his family has been waiting for the opportunity to hold a large gathering to celebrate his life.

When McIlveen died in Hamilton, Ont., in May 2021, lockdown measures meant his relatives were unable to hold a proper funeral service or to physically comfort each other.

"When I needed to hug somebody and say, 'Oh my God, Neil's gone,' there was nothing — so you kind of live in denial a little bit," said McIlveen's sister, Ann Marie Burnside.

Burnside's is one of many families who had to pause their grieving over the past two years, as gathering limits, travel restrictions and infection fears left thousands of Canadians unable to say goodbye to a dying loved one, or to gather to honour their life afterwards.

But as Canada comes out the other side of pandemic restrictions, many families — including McIlveen's — are planning belated memorial services for this summer. 

"People have been in a suspended state of grief for two years, not having that opportunity to mark their [loved one's] death and celebrate their life," said Diana Robinson, funeral director at Celebrations of Life Toronto.

About half of her summer clients are holding services for someone who passed away in 2020.

"These people have had this delayed grief experience ... and you can really see the effects on the families like that."

Similarly, Lougheed Funeral Home in Sudbury, Ont., holds about five memorial services each Saturday, and about half of those are for families who are making up for pandemic delays, says managing director Gerry Lougheed.

Funeral directors say many bereaved families are discovering their grief is no less painful now than it was at the time of a death months or years ago.

"We did a service recently for a young gentleman that passed away almost two years ago, and the service was like the passing had just happened — it was still so fresh and raw," said Kelsi Palmer from Speers Funeral Chapel in Regina. 

"Even though time has gone on since that person has left, it really feels like day one for those family and friends that didn't get the chance at that time to have a proper farewell and gathering."

That feeling is a familiar one for McIlveen's family. Only two relatives were able to visit him in hospital before his death, holding up a phone to his ear so others could say goodbye.

The "gregarious and very outgoing" secondary school teacher had asked his relatives to hold "a big party" after his death, his niece Darlene McIlveen said.